


Wank'n'Beans

by mikiwatches



Series: Fic Nobody Wanted or Asked For [8]
Category: Watchmen - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Other, flash fiction that shouldn't exist, it came from the discord, rorschach fucks a can of beans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 06:14:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12102534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikiwatches/pseuds/mikiwatches
Summary: BLORT SNHORTH SLOP, came the noise from downstairs. Dan rolled over and groaned. It was four fucking AM. He was really going to give Rorschach a piece of his mind this time.





	Wank'n'Beans

_ BLORT SNHORTH SLOP _ , came the noise from downstairs. Dan rolled over and groaned. It was four fucking AM. He was really going to give Rorschach a piece of his mind this time.

 

Donning his coordinated robe over his flannel pajamas, Dan took the time to polish his glasses and squirt himself with a quick puff of Nostalgia. He was halfway down the stairs before he realized he hadn't combed his hair, but it wasn't like he was freshening up to tell Rorschach off in the middle of the night and it would be ridiculous to go back upstairs and change into something that showed off his arms. That would be just silly right?

 

His vacillating on the stairs was broken by the sound of Rorschach's harsh panting accompanied by the schlorping sounds. The poor guy sounded like he was in a bad way- Dan better get down there before he hurt himself.

 

Entering his own kitchen like he was kicking down the door to a drug house, Dan shouted, "Rorschach, for the last time-" before breaking off in confusion. The suddenly thrown on light had momentarily blinded his former partner, allowing Dan to see something that would be seared into his retinas and libido for the rest of his life.

 

Rorschach was fucking a can of beans.

  
  
_ Rorschach _ was fucking a can of beans.

  
  
Rorschach was  _ fucking _ a can of beans.

  
  
Rorschach was fucking  _ a can of beans. _

  
  
At a distance Dan heard his own voice repeating the sentence out loud over and over again, but no matter where he put the emphasis, it made no sense.

 

"Hrnk, Niteowl," Rorschach said, trying to withdraw from the vigilante sized hole he had drilled in the top of the can. 

  
  
"Blort," went the beans.

 

Dan took off his glasses and carefully folded them, putting them in his pajama pocket. Pinching his eyes tightly closed didn't help. It was too late. He had seen. It could not be unseen.

  
  
With his eyes still closed, he reached over by feel and turned off the kitchen light, plunging them into darkness.

 

By feel, he slid a kitchen chair out and sat down, heavily. He heard Rorschach's breath catch. And then, a tentative  _ slorp _ .   


 

  
"Dan," the darkness whispered.

  
  
"Yeah, buddy?" He whispered back in the stillness of the middle of the night kitchen. "It's okay- what's mine is yours. Mi beans es tu beans."

 

A moan followed by the juicy noises of a man fucking a can of beans followed.

 

Without meaning to, Dan began to talk. He had meant to just sit in silence and witness one of the sexiest things he had ever seen if Rorschach would let him, but now words came bubbling out, like a can of beans subjected to the unnatural stresses of a hydraulic press.

 

"You like that, buddy, huh? I bet it feels so good around you. Cold at first, but then it warms up. The more you fuck, the stronger the suction gets I bet. I want..." Dan gulped in a breath and went for it. "I want to lick the juices off you. I want to hold it as you hammer in. I want my turn!"

  
  
And with that, Rorschach gave a mighty HRNGGGGG and came into the can.

 

As he withdrew his rapidly softening member, Rorschach angled his mask away from Dan. "Did you mean it?" he mumble-growled.

  
  
"Of course, buddy!" Dan enthused. "Will... you.. let me?"

  
Looking him straight in the face as his inkblots formed first kidney beans and then hearts, Rorschach held out the recently pounded can to Dan. 

  
  
"Mi beans es tu beans, partner."


End file.
